Super lundi

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms. When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist. Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+...

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target. Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage fr...

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

First strike At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate this abili...

Add {R} for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

Sacrifice a creature or land: Add {HR}.

When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over com...

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ? ,...

{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, ...

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during yo...

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that...

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. ...

Destroy target land. Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your...

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.